Donald trump jokes

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education? By renaming it Trump University. 

 

What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy? "Let me see your birth certificate"

 

. If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

 

 The Trump Card Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants? Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades! 

 

 El Chapo only escaped from prison to have a "talk" with Trump. 

 

What does Melania see in Donald Trump? "Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"

 

 Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister? Because he never pays his debts. 

 

Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President? By hunting and killing their own hair piece.

 

 Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hillary.

 

 Fear is the Path to the dark side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to the Republican Nomination. Trump: "It's not a toupee, I just found the Bush that Jeb lost." 

 

What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president? Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!

 

 What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats? Donald Trump.

 

What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do? Make America Hate Again. 

 

 What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about? All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.

Three fastest ways of communication

What are the three fastest ways of communication? Three fastest means of communication in the world are:
1. Tele-phone
2. Tele-vision
3. Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?
4. Tell her not to tell anyone.

Strikes a match on Mars

Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet. "Give me the box of matches," says one. "Either it burns and there is oxygen, ....or nothing happens." He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match when, out of the blue, a Martian appears waving all his arms... "No, no, don't!" The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars? Still, he takes another match... and... A crowd of hysterical Martians is coming, all waving their arms: "No, no, don't do that!" One of the astronauts says, "This looks serious. What are they afraid of? Nonetheless, we're here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars." So he strikes a match -- which flames up, burns down, and....NOTHING HAPPENS!! So he turns to the Martians and asks, "Why did you try to prevent us from striking a match?" The leader of the Martians says,.... "It's Shabbos!"

Conquer six

Q: "You Beatles have conquered five continents. What do you want to do next?"
Paul and John: "Conquer six."

Angela Merkel visits Greece

Angela Merkel visits Greece.

On arrival policeman asks her:
- Name?
- Angela Merkel.
- Occupation?
- No, just visiting.

Maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs

A WOMAN was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane ...
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes..

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'

The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.'

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

 .THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!

How was your day?

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
...and how was your day?